Their parents returned on Sunday evening but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, "There has been a miracle! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"
A man on holiday in the Yorkshire Dales walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asks
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
Self-catering owners aren't tight - it's a myth
The owner of a self-catering country cottage is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, "I'll do anything you want for 50 pounds."
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a twenty, two ten pounds notes and starts counting his change….
He thrusts the handful of money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my cottage."
Christmas treat
Tom and Eve managed to obtain a beautiful log cabin for Christmas to escape the relatives, all their noisy children, the need to exchange socks with people they hardly knew and all that religious nonsense – they were ardent atheists. The log cabin was far in the north of Scotland surrounded by beautiful woodland, wilderness and the sound of silence. There was a cosy log fire, a four poster bed and they were looking forward to romantic evenings with some good wine and festive treats.
Just before dusk fell on Christmas Eve they pressed their noses to the window and watched snow falling gently in big flakes. How lucky could they get – a white Xmas as well.
“Let’s go out for a quick walk in the snow”, Eve suggested.
The pristine snow covered landscape shimmered and the firs looked fantastic with their snow laden branches. The walked briskly down the hill towards the trees when a sudden deep growl made the hair on the back of their necks stand on end.
Turning to the left they saw a massive brown bear moving purposefully towards them. Eve screamed and tried to get behind Tom. He grabbed her hand and yelled “Run”. They ran as fast as they could, and the bear followed growling loudly.
The bear was gaining on them fast. “Oh my God” gasped Tom as they slipped and fell to see a shadow loom over them.
Time stood still and all became silent.
Suddenly a bright light shone down upon Tom and Eve as they lay in the snow and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Are you now believers?"
The two atheists looked directly into the light, Tom spoke "It would be hypocritical of us to suddenly ask you to treat us as Christians now, but perhaps, could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
Today is Friday, May 16, 2008
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